 I attended the Edmonton Literary Festival with my mother and author of Dismissed. Lit Fest is such a fantastic event and I truly enjoyed it. As an added bonus, it’s been heart-warming spending time with my mother. I can’t believe how much our relationship has changed. Both events I attended at the festival focused on mother-child relationships: how fitting that Mom joined me. We co-wrote a book this year and as I compared our writing journey with the authors at the festival, I realized Mom and I have never worked on a project together to this degree before. Truth be known, I wouldn’t have wanted to in the past. Let’s just say, we had ‘issues’. But working through Dismissed together, I feel we’ve crossed some sort of bridge and I now found myself in unknown territory. My mother is quickly becoming one of my best friends. Don’t get me wrong, she still triggers me, as I am sure I do to her, but it is nothing like it was. In the past, the triggers were so strong and uncomfortable they prevented me from fully enjoying her company. I loved her as deeply as I do today but I don’t think I liked her as much as I do now. Our healing was in part due to the fact that the more I accepted myself, the more I allowed my mother to be who she is, without wishing she was different. I now see how key this is in all relationships but especially mother-daughter ones. Daughters and mothers are notorious for each wishing the other was different. When you can love and accept yourself without conditions, you can value and appreciate everyone around you...including the woman who has a history of pushing ALL your buttons :) Don't get me wrong. As we worked on Dismissed together,there were heated arguments, dramatic bawling sessions, passionate confessions of regret and hurt. I didn’t know if we would make it to the other side of our shit. But we stuck with it. What I feel now is awe and gratitude. It was worth it after all. Digging up years of crap, learning to love myself and accepting her did make a difference. It redefined our relationship and I am now able to benefit from our ability to persevere. Instead of simply tolerating our time together, I sat beside her at the festival and couldn’t stop feeling how happy I was that she was there. It was a great feeling. Perhaps it’s just what we need to make it through this book selling phase of our journey. So I'm curious. How have your mother-daughter dynamics affected you? Would you co-write a book with your mother? Do you think we're crazy for choosing to work together? |
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